8 Things to Never Do on a First Date

Ah, the first date — you’ve been primping and plucking, and it’s finally show time. After all that work you don’t want to send them running for the hills because of something thoughtless you did at the table or in the car. Here are eight key guidelines on what to avoid…

“I Don’t Valet” Sure, some people don’t like to leave their cars in the hands of a valet. We get that. But if you’ve driven around the block more than three times and you’re prepared to go an additional five until you find street parking (even if the spot is blocks away), quit while you’re ahead. Avoiding the valet makes you look cheap and that’s not a good look, especially on a first date.

Nix Your Ex Never go on about any of your exes. Obsessing over them makes you look insecure. And when’s the last time someone found that attractive in a prospective mate? If you’re still bruised over an ex or simply enjoy discussing old flames, spout off to a friend or family member — anyone, but not that cutie who just asked you out for Friday night!

Texting… or answering your mobile phone for social purposes are big no-no’s on a date. And please don’t try to be sneaky or “polite” by attempting to text under the table. It’s obnoxious. Ask yourself if you like the person you’re with enough to leave your phone for a couple hours. If you still can’t resist, go to the bathroom.

Don’t Be Nosey No blowing your schnoz at the table. And you might think this goes without saying, but it doesn’t: the same goes for picking your teeth. People do the most absent-minded and unattractive things on dates, so step it up a little bit. If you desperately need to take some hygienic action, simply excuse yourself and go to town some place else, just not at the table.

Play Nice Being rude to the wait staff is a major turn off. And please lay off of the snapping when you need your waiter’s attention. It’s always best to keep your cool — nothing’s more attractive than that.

Pass On The Pricey Stuff Ordering the 3 lb. lobster and filet dinner or the homemade pasta with a mound of freshly shaved white truffles is obnoxious no matter who’s paying. Don’t go for the gold. Show a little class by sticking with the moderately priced ticket items.

Booze It ‘Til You Lose It Just one drink too many and you may find yourself saying and doing things that make all of the above look like afternoon charm school. And even if you don’t go crazy, you might do some over-sharing that you’ll regret in the morning. So, never go overboard on alcohol — it’s a safety issue as well as an etiquette one.

Ditch The Dutch We may sound old-fashioned but when a guy asks a girl out, there’s only one way to go on a first date when the bill arrives — the guy pays. No matter how many times the woman offers to chip in, the answer is “thank you, but no.” It’s just the thing to do to make her feel special. And be clear. Wavering can be just as bad as accepting her money.

“The heart that loves is always young.”

The secret of the true love of work is the hope of success in that work; not for the money reward, for the time spent, or for the skill exercised, but for the successful result in the accomplishment of the work itself.”

How Sex Addiction is Affecting Your Life

This month, gossip blogs and celebrity magazines were rocked with the news that Californication star David Duchovny checked into rehab for sex addition.

Previous reports suggested that Duchovny was struggling with an addiction to Internet pornography and cybersex, but more recent rumors maintain that actual physical infidelity occurred. (However, just because Duchovny created a television series in which his fantasized writings turned into actual dalliances, we can’t assume this infidelity manifested in his real life as well. Until we receive proof to the contrary, let’s assume that he kept his pants on, unlike the main character he dreamt up and plays everyday.)

That being said, most couples would agree (rightfully so) that cybersex addiction can be just as devastating and hurtful as an actual affair, and it is becoming a growing concern in our tech-savvy society. According to a study released by Stanford University, 25 million Americans visit cybersex sites 1-10 hours per week, while 4.7 million Americans visit cybersex sites more than 11 hours per week.

What does the growing presence of available Internet pornography and cybersex mean for modern relationships?

Communication is required. Couples need to discuss what they consider infidelity within the confines of their relationship. For instance, is it okay for your partner to look at online pornography? Does it matter if you are present, or can he/she be free to surf solo without fear of you taking offense? Is it permissible for your partner to contact other people via the web for cybersex? Whatever you and your partner decide, agree to keep the honesty intact when accessing the web.

Consider the amount of time the cyber world takes away from your relationship. Even if you and your partner decide that cyber play is permissible, be aware of how much time you are spending on the Internet. If you are devoting more time to online erotica and virtual strangers than you are to your partner, then something is amiss. This can also be a sign of a cybersex addiction, particularly if you feel helpless to control your time online.

Secrets are a warning sign. When secrecy creeps into your “innocent” Internet play, it means that there is a problem. Whether you are hiding from your partner how much time you spend on the Internet, the sites you visit, or the people you talk to online, you are creating an environment for infidelity and relationship breakdown.

If you think that cybersex activity has become more than just a passing hobby, don’t despair. Cybersex addiction can be treated, and your partner can help you through this difficult time. Click on this link for resources and treatment options. Cybersex addiction (and all sex addiction) can be just as devastating as drug/alcohol addictions, and most people need a system of support to stop their destructive behavior. Ask for help — you will be so happy you did.

Senior Dating 101

Online dating is a great way to meet people, but if you are a senior you are probably not as technologically advanced as your grandchildren (although many are). If you are using the Internet for the first time to find a partner, there are some guidelines that you should follow to make your experience more safe and enjoyable.

1. Avoid putting in your profile, recently widowed, living alone. You have to click off a box for your status and putting widowed is all that you have to do.

2. If you are still working, or doing volunteer work, just say generally what you do rather than “I am a nurse” or “I do volunteer work at (blank) hospital.”

3. Post a recent photo of yourself, and find a good one—making a good impression is very important. If you do not have a good photo, get a friend or a family member to take one of you.

4. When you arrange your first date or meeting, make sure you tell a friend where you are going and carry a cell phone. The best first date should be at a coffee shop. This way if you do not feel that you are a good match, you can just drink your coffee and go. Too many people make the mistake of arranging a dinner date, which becomes awkward when you realize within the first few minutes that you are just not that compatible.

5. Do not fall for any of the online scams—if someone tells you a hard luck story and asks if you can lend them some money, tell them NO. There are stories ranging from, my cat needs an operation and I do not have the money right now and it could die, and other stories that will tug at your heart. There are a lot of scammers that will take advantage of single people of any age.

Senior online dating is a lot of fun, you can find people that are your age, have similar tastes, enjoy travelling, or have similar hobbies. Play it safe and you will make a lot of great new friends or a love match.

“The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love.”

- “Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.”

 “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

Dating Smarts You Must Have

1. First dating rule: Chemistry trumps all. Even if he talked too much about his hybrid car or had T-bone steak in his teeth the whole time, if his kiss made you melt, he gets a second date.
2. On the flip side, we don’t care if he’s the hottest, richest, funniest, Orlando Bloomiest man ever. If smooching him gives you the creeps, cut your losses.
3. After you finally hook up with a guy you found through online dating in a coffee joint, it’s fine to tell your friends “We met at a coffee joint.” It’s not even a lie (sort of)!More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:
   • How to Snag a Rich Guy
   • 5 Dates That Will Drive Him Wild
4. You get to be superficial.

   If he’s wearing a fanny pack, feign an emergency and bail.

   If he’s wearing a fanny pack, feign an emergency and bail. (Hint: Say “It’s a woman thing.” He won’t ask for details.)

5. A Cosmo girl doesn’t go out with her ex-boyfriend’s work rival just so it’ll get back to him and make him crazy. She does go out with his work rival though if she had a crush on him anyway.
6. A man who makes every conversation lewd from the get-go isn’t trying to seduce you, he’s trying to shock you. Don’t take the bait. Your job isn’t to prove to him that you can be one of the guys; it’s his job to be a gentleman.
7. Any time a friend offers to set you up, make sure to ask her what she thinks you have in common with the guy — besides that you’re both single.
8. Heads up: If he spends even part of the evening responding to work emails on his crackberry, he probably wouldn’t make the most attentive boyfriend.
9. Then again, if you spend even part of the evening on emails, don’t expect him to call for a second date.
10. Beware the boor who asks questions just so that he can give answers. Him: “What’s the coolest place you’ve ever traveled to?” You: “Oh, probably Mex–” Him: “My favorites are Africa, London, Iceland, Costa Rica….”

11. Lots of people are between jobs, but a guy who cites The Man as his reason for it may be in arrested development.

    Lots of people are between jobs, but a guy who cites The Man as his reason for it may be in arrested development.

12. If the next day you can’t remember anything interesting or clever he said and you guys weren’t drinking, you’re probably not that into him.
13. Maybe he’s just being polite, but when a guy offers you a breath mint, always take it, just in case.
14. Dating is supposed to be fun, not a chore. If you find yourself daydreaming middate about watching “Law and Order” reruns at home, give yourself a break.
15. If you’ve had a good time, compliment his planning (“I loved playing air hockey!”). It subtly invites him to call for date two and gives him a chance to ask right then, if he’s bold.
16. Don’t stress that first-kiss moment. Smile, say good-bye, and squeeze his hand, letting your fingers linger. He’ll either make a move or he won’t, and you’ll get an awkwardness-free exit.
17. Another sassy way to make him ache for date two: Casually comment on his good-night kiss, like “Mmm, you’re good at that.” He won’t stop wondering what other talents of his you’ll like.

“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.”