Dating a Football Fanatic

What makes a football nut tick? In general, men seem to have an overzealous infatuation with sports. As football is the number-one spectator sport in America, it stands to reason that the love affair with sports is stronger than ever during the fall season. But what is so appealing about watching 22 oversized men crashing into each other down on the field? Why do men sit and watch football for hours on end?

Before we write the football fan out of your life, let’s take a moment to understand the connection he has to his favorite team.

Why football is a healthy habit

It turns out one of the few places our society allows men to express their emotions is on the athletic field. Down on the field men can dance and cry and even give big bear hugs to their teammates.

On the turf, our society allows men — even the tough guys — to share their strongest emotions with one another.

On the turf, our society allows men — even the tough guys — to share their strongest emotions with one another.

The freedom for men to share their emotions on the playing field spills over into the stands, and the spectators too can express their emotions. The living room is just an extension of the stadium, and thus men across the world can join in the enthusiastic rituals of cheering and dancing and slapping of high fives.

Sports and sports-related topics enable men to express themselves, either in verbal communication with one another, or emotionally and physically by jumping for joy at a touchdown. Sports are an important part of men’s lives, and we have learned this is really healthy for our guy.

Higher self-esteem

Amazingly, psychologists have discovered that men and women who have a strong affinity toward a team are more likely to have higher self-esteem, have a truer sense of community, suffer less depression, and are more likely to be associated with groups than are non-fans.

So, in essence, the crazier the sports nut, the more emotionally sound he/she is.

So, in essence, the crazier the sports nut, the more emotionally sound he/she is.

So whether or not you understand the rules of the game, go over to the couch and make some room for yourself next to your old sports nut. Snuggle up and watch the game together. Soon you may learn to enjoy the game as much as he does, and maybe become even a bigger fan!

Five tips for enjoying football with fanatic friends:

1. Chunk it down. At first learning about football can seem difficult. Don’t try to learn everything all at once. Take time to ask your friends about the game. They will love that you are showing interest, and of course will love talking about their favorite team.
2. Pick a team to learn something about, and read an article or two each week about that team.
3. Find a player on that team you would like to know more about. Drill down into his schooling, family life or aspirations. It is great to know about a teammate, and it helps make the game a bit more personal.
4. Plan any social engagements around a football game well in advance. This way you will have time to participate in the event, instead of actively hosting the party.
5. Look up one play or football topic a week. Soon you will find you are speaking (and understanding) all the football lingo.

6 Rainy-Day Dates

as rainy weather thrown a wrench in your date plans? Just because it’s wet outside, doesn’t mean the movie theater is your only alternative. Whether you’re braving the outdoors or staying cozy at home, here are seven ideas for planning a memorable rainy-day date.

Rock out. Get your blood pumping and work up an appetite by going indoor rock climbing. Not only will you get a great workout, you’ll also get to work on those important relationship skills of trust and healthy competition.

Singin’ in the rain. The best way to beat the rainy-day blues is by listening to someone else sing them. Find a cozy jazz/blues club and melt under the warm, soothing sounds.

Get cookin’. Plan a romantic dinner at home, but throw the standard three-course meal out the window.

Start with some yummy soup and go straight to warm brownies and freshly baked cookies.

Start with some yummy soup and go straight to warm brownies and freshly baked cookies.

Take a class. Spend a rainy day or night learning something new. Sign up for an Italian cooking class, learn how to Samba or hone your painting skills.

Make memories. You know all those digital photos you’ve taken together over the years? It’s time to take them off the computer and put them into a memory book or scrapbook. Spend time together picking out your favorite photos, from your first date to the dinner party you went to last week. Places like Target and Walgreens will let you upload your digital photos online and have them ready for pick up within an hour. Light a fire, make some hot cocoa and spend the evening on the living room floor cutting and pasting pictures and other memorabilia from your relationship into your very own scrapbook.

Go under water. Stay warm and dry as you stroll through the homes of creatures natural to wet environments. Spend the day looking at sharks, stingrays and other underwater creatures at your local aquarium.

How to Take Your Breakup From Boo-Hoo to Woo-Hoo

To successfully survive and thrive after a breakup, savvy breakup survivors know that they can’t heal and move on without a little help from their friends. And that’s where the Boo-Hoo Crew comes in. Part cheerleader, part therapist, your Boo-Hoo Crew should be reliable, patient and consist of at least three friends for round-the-clock supervision and support.

The role of the Boo-Hoo Crew is to provide the following:

• a shoulder to cry on
• a voice of reason
• damage control (in case you get the urge to contact your ex)
• the bright side

Tips for assembling the perfect Boo-Hoo Crew

Not everyone’s cut out to be a Boo-Hoo Crew member. It’s important to recruit only those friends who are up to the challenge. While assembling your crew, keep the following considerations in mind:

• Include only those friends who are loving and supportive.
• Exclude any so-called friends who might say things like “I told you so,” brag about their own relationship, or ask if they can call your ex (in fact, dump these “friends” immediately!).
• Do not include any mutual friends who might report back to your ex on your progress (and/or dish about your setbacks).

The Boo-Hoo Crew code of honor

During your slump, your Boo-Hoo Crew should be available 24/7.

During your slump, your Boo-Hoo Crew should be available 24/7. It may sound like a tremendous commitment, but that’s what friends are for. You’d do it for them (if you haven’t already). And let’s face it: there are times in life when you have to sleep in shifts. This just happens to be one of those times.

There are also going to be times when you’ll obsess about your ex, times when you’ll want your ex back, and times when all you can think about is picking up the phone and calling your ex. These are the times when you should rely on your Boo-Hoo Crew for support.

You’ll want to choose friends who know you well enough to know when you need comfort versus when you need a kick in the pants. Friends who can remind you of the nitpicky negative things you once said about your ex that you’re going to forget when you’re wishing you two were still together. Your Boo-Hoo Crew should always know (and be able to remind you) why your ex wasn’t good for you then, and why he or she is definitely not worth pining over now.

When we’re in post-breakup mode, some of us have trouble reaching out to others. We think asking for help is a sign of weakness, but it’s not. It’s a show of strength. So go out there and recruit the best Boo-Hoo Crew ever! (Right now.)

Six Dating Behaviors That Scare Single Men Away

You’re dating a guy, and it’s the crucial first few weeks. You really like this guy, and you’re wondering what you can do (or avoid doing) to keep this relationship going and not scare him away.

The truth is there are certain things that women can do that will scare men away. Don’t sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have gone somewhere by scaring a man off right at the beginning.

Here are six dating behaviors guaranteed to scare men off that all women should avoid:

1. Trash-talking your ex. Don’t talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you’re dating. I don’t care if you’re on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don’t ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don’t talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you’re going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, “We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot.” That’s it.

2. Paranoia Runs Rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. Then, that first boys’ night out happens. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, “Have a great time tonight!” As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he’s doing, and you start to think “Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?” So then, you lob another text in to him asking “What’s going on? What are you doing right now?” Even though he tells you he’s just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:

You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away.

You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he’s out with his friends, respect his “guy time” — it will make you the cool woman he’s always wanted to find.

3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they’re dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, “Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can’t believe she is going around in public like that!” What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you’re dating is telling him that you’re not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don’t love who you are and haven’t embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don’t trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.

4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you’re dating looks at you and says, “You really look beautiful tonight!” Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, “How do I look tonight?” Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don’t give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.

5. Clingy and possessive. You don’t need to do everything together. You’re still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don’t interest you, be cool with it. You don’t have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a cocktail party together, you don’t have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start grabbing his hand and giving him a big hug — and certainly don’t do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.

6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, “You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they’re such a great couple, and you’ll love them!” A man hears this and thinks, “I don’t even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as ‘the boyfriend?’” We don’t want to be “the boyfriend” right away. It’s too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you’re all about. Believe me, once we get to know you — and like you — we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.

Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don’t scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!

Get Intimate with Your Date’s Soul: Try these revealing questions

Do you know your date’s soul? By “soul” I mean that immaterial, spiritual part of you that’s deeper than your physical appearance. It’s even deeper than your intellect or logical ability to reason. Your soul houses your deepest desires. These desires possibly have the greatest impact on your values and govern why you do what you do on a daily basis.

It’s common to want to rush into a relationship with a date you find outwardly attractive. But it’s important to slow down and become familiar with your date’s soul, because your

compatibility with his or her soul is the real measure of whether you can develop a lasting relationship

compatibility with his or her soul is the real measure of whether you can develop a lasting relationship together.

Questions to ask

Here are some fun, probing questions that you can ask to help you become more intimate with your date’s soul:

• If someone gave you $10 million with no strings attached, what would you do with it?
• If you could sit down to lunch with any three people (living or dead), who would they be?
• If you only had six months to live, what would you do?

Digging deeper

Some may consider the following questions too personal for a first date. Keep these questions at the ready as you get to know the other person. Please don’t fire all the questions in rapid succession like a police interrogator. Be as natural and conversational as possible.

• What values do you hold most deeply?
• What are the most important things in life?
• What does happiness mean to you?
• What would it take to make you happy?
• What are some of the traditions/rituals practiced in your family?
• What event (negative or positive) was a turning point in your life or taught you something you didn’t know about yourself?
• Who are your mentors or role models?

Of course, I can’t guarantee that someone will give you honest answers to your questions. Your job will be to watch and analyze whether their actions reflect their words.

Secrets of Women

Over the last 10 years of coaching men, I have been asked time and time again to come up with a list of the best secrets for meeting, approaching and attracting great women.

Well, guys, there is no magic pickup line that will work in every situation, but there are guidelines that will help you understand a woman better, so you can be more successful in making a connection.

For those of you interested in being successful with women for the rest of your lives, take note of these simple things that will help you understand women far better than you do now.

10 secrets you need to know

1. All women like surprises; women believe they should be surprised at least once a month.
2. All women have fantasies. A man should take the time to find out her fantasy.
3. Women want a man to

   be sensitive yet fight for them

   be sensitive yet fight for them if they needed to.

4. Women want a man to be gentle and rough at the same time.
5. Women want to be told they’re beautiful, then after a time told they’re sexy.
6. Women want their man to notice when another man tries to pick them up, but refrain from jealousy.
7. Women will alter their appearance with a new hairstyle or buy something skimpy for themselves, not a man.
8. A woman will groom herself that day if there is a chance for her to meet someone that night.
9. Women believe in the fairytale and will look at most men in the first 30 seconds as if they could be the prince they have been looking for.
10. If a woman really likes a man, she will spend all day trying to look good for him and still not feel perfect, yet at times she will not be made up and feel perfect.

10 ways make yourself attractive to woman
1. Be confident in who you are.
2. Have a sense of humor.
3. Show good manners.
4. Be respectful.
5. Be controversial.
6. Be sensitive.
7. Ask her what she wants and likes.
8. Don’t just tell her you do, but put your trust in her.
9. Tell her about one time your feelings got hurt.
10. Kiss her softly, then kiss her passionately.

7 sure-fire ways to repulse a woman
1. Tell her what you don’t want her to wear.
2. Look at another woman while talking to her.
3. Show her that you have no direction in your life.
4. Be too proud of your qualities.
5. Drink too much or have a serious addiction.
6. Insult her style, friends or family.
7. Use stupid pickup lines like: “Do you want to have sex?” “Can I smell your roses?” “Baby, that’s the sweetest butt I’ve ever seen!” “Hey you, come here!”

The best pickup line

Observe what she is doing, then walk over and have a conversation about what is going on at that moment. For example, she is in the video store and looking at “The Departed.” You can either ask her about the movie and what she knows about it, or if you saw it you can say, “Loved that movie….” and start the conversation from there.

Good luck!

How to Be Confident in Your Dating Life

Dating question: How does an “average Joe” attract and date beautiful women?

Answer: Read on.

What’s the number one thing that all daters are attracted to? Here’s a hint: It’s the same thing that all women find really desirable. OK, I know what you’re probably thinking — fame, or money, or good looks, right? And yes, women are attracted to these things, but the number one quality that you must possess to market yourself to single women — and to win with women in general — is intangible, and you don’t have to be a millionaire or to have won the genetic lottery to have it. It’s dating confidence. (That’s C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E.)

Not coincidentally, confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salespeople must call their own in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in the products they represent. Remember, in the dating world, the “product you represent” is you! Within the dynamics of dating, you are the salesman, and women are your customers. It’s up to you to sell the product with assurance and believability — with such confidence — that your customers will want to buy it. Think about it:

Why would a woman have confidence in you if you don’t have confidence in yourself?

Why would a woman have confidence in you if you don’t have confidence in yourself?

And while you might agree with what I’m saying about confidence, do you apply it in your dating life?

Here’s what I mean. If a woman asked you to describe yourself, how would you do it? By saying you’re a “typical” guy or an “average Joe”? If so, stop selling yourself short! And go look up “average” in the dictionary: “standard, usual, ordinary, mediocre, not very good.” To get my point across, consider this ad statement: “He is a very average director who makes very average movies.” I bet you can’t wait to buy tickets to this guy’s movie, right?

Women don’t want the “average” guy any more than you want your “average” girl. Women are attracted to confident, exciting men who have passion. If you want to start winning with women, you must stop talking about yourself like you’re an “average guy” and start acting like you’re the greatest guy. Attracting women is all about your attitude — and if you think of yourself as just “average,” your attitude needs a boost!

How is your dating attitude projected? Your attitude is projected in the way you walk, talk, and act toward other people. Attitude is the outward reflection of what’s going on inside. When you know you’re wonderful, it’s reflected in everything you do. There’s a level of confidence that simply shines through.

Now, an obvious question is, “What if you don’t have confidence?”

I should know a thing or two about finding your dating confidence. I wrote an entire book on the subject called “Date Out Of Your League. It’s almost entirely dedicated toward helping single men appeal to the most attractive women by achieving a better attitude, and it totally dispels the dating myth that I hear all the time from guys about confidence. The myth goes something like this: Confidence is something that comes naturally. You either have it or you don’t. Not true. In fact, very rarely is confidence something you are born with.

Dating confidence is a quality that is learned and acquired.

Dating confidence is a quality that is learned and acquired. Its growth is gradual and based upon the accumulation of little successes and skills over time. Confidence comes in knowing what to do and when to do it, then in following through and doing it! Because confidence is a characteristic that you can obtain, the important thing is to set the wheels in motion and begin methodically and progressively building it now, and then continue adding to it — for life.

The biggest contributor to (or detractor of) confidence is attitude. The “Law of Concentration” has proven that you really are what you think. If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can’t, you are right! Thought becomes reality, and when you take control of your conscious mind and purposely think of who you want to be rather than who you aren’t, and focus on what you want rather than what you’re afraid you can’t have, you will have taken a huge leap toward success.

OK, so you can see how confidence affects your attitude, and attitude affects whether or not you get your ideal woman along with just about everything else you want in life. But you still don’t have it. What to do now?

Start by implementing a plan of dating action that will help your confidence.

1. Squash negative thoughts. While we may all have self-doubt at times, when it overruns your life, or dictates your decisions, you’ve let it go too far. It’s within your power to put these feelings aside and opt for more positive, optimistic ones. Plus, women can sense negativity and insecurity from a mile away, and it’s a turn-off.

2. Have a goal. Don’t wander aimlessly through life with no plans and no direction. Get focused on something, anything, and move toward it. Find your passion. Women feel passionately about passionate men. Whether it’s your career, or art, or, well, just about anything, we like it when you’re moved by something. And yes, even sports count, though they may not be at the top of our lists.

3. Believe in your own dating greatness. This one is the result of the first two. You don’t have to do anything in order to get confident except follow through with your plan of action. A guy who thinks he’s fantastic without being too arrogant is intoxicating to women. Trust me, you’ll see.

Breaking Up Is Easy To Do: 5 Simple Rules

A friend of a friend has called his ex-girlfriend six times since she broke up with him. I told my friend to bestow my breaking up advice on him. Whether you want someone back or not, if you follow the rules below, you will maintain your dignity, maybe win the person back, or eventually get over them:

1. Ride Off Into The Sunset

In college I took a class called “American Western Movies“. Give me a break, ok? It was summer session. But this class did teach me something. I learned I wanted to be a cowboy. They are so cool, collected, never play their hand, never look rattled, and they are always confident.

One thing they all did was ride off as the sun set on the horizon after their business was done.

Riding off into the sunset keeps our dignity. When a girl breaks up with me, I will say:

“OK, it was great getting to know you over the past (insert length of time).You take care.”

My business is done.

Then, I will figuratively ride off into the sunset. I won’t tell her how much I miss her. I won’t tell her she made a mistake. I won’t call, email or text. I won’t mention her to mutual friends. I’ll be gone from her life.

Suddenly, it will dawn on the girl that she is not getting her money’s worth for this breakup. It is true: people who do the breaking up have an air of power to them. They like being the decision maker, and having the control. But after I walk away like it’s no problem, she’ll start to think:

“Wow, why isn’t he shaken up over this? Did he even care that I broke up with him?”

Or even better, the ever-popular and coveted:

“Did I do the right thing breaking up with him?”

That’s when you know you’re in business.

2. Apply the Wizard of Oz Effect

Of course, most likely, we are in total pain and anguish after a break up. But, we can’t let that show. Remember:

“Pay no mind to that man behind the curtain?”

We can, behind the curtain, cry, complain, yell, be angry, and hurt. But, we must craft the appearance on the outside of being fine with everything. We need to look happy on the outside to the other person 100% of the time we see them post-breakup.

This also gives the illusion that you might be seeing someone else, or that you’ve got other things going on. Of course you’re miserable and there’s NOTHING going on in your life, but they don’t have to know it!

Make It Quick?

3. Enact the Verb in “Breaking Up“

Get rid of all evidence of them — put it all in a closet, under your bed, or anywhere. I’m a sucker for a strand of hair or her shampoo smell left on a pillow after a girl is over. After the breakup, this must go: wash the sheets! Remember, in breaking up, to think of it like a guillotine: make it fast.

On a guillotine, you’d rather have a sharp blade slice your head right off than a blunt blade repeatedly cut and cut until your head finally fell off.

If it’s a break up they want, make it clean for them. It will look good, and it will be easier on you. Flush them right out of your life immediately, and completely.

4. Don’t Look Back

It’s hard to accomplish this. We know not to look back, just like we know not to look down when someone says don’t look down…but we still look down. But, make it easy on yourself: looking back and saying stuff like:

“Gosh, just two weeks ago,we were out to dinner and she stayed over here and we were so close…“

…will just make it more painful. You can’t look back until it’s time to look back when you’re truly over it.

5. Remember You’ll Get Over It

The best thing about breaking up is those following mornings you wake up after you’ve truly gotten over someone. You’re renewed, alive, and ready to see what the world has to offer. Keep pushing through for this feeling, remember all those people you thought you’d never get over (you know you ended up getting over them), and as Jim Morrison once crooned: “break on through to the other side!“

Well I don’t know about you, but after going through all that, I’m inspired to get dumped!

So, do you agree with these rules? Do you have any nightmare breakup stories? If a guy you dumped followed these rules, would you start reconsidering? Would you be annoyed if you dumped a guy and he didn’t get upset?

Do You Have Dating Dawdlitis?

You’ll do anything other than look for a partner online — watch TV reruns, clean the bathroom, even call your mother. You freeze up and question yourself repeatedly when it’s time to meet someone for coffee, make the next call, or move on to the first kiss.

Sound familiar? It’s all too common, whether you’re new to dating or a seasoned but burnt-out veteran. When you find it hard or even impossible to date, even though you’re lonely and hungry for a romantic connection, you have what I call Dating Dawdlitis (DD).The four-step cure for DD

DD is what stands between you and those cozy nights of afterglow cuddling. But here’s the good news: You can beat Dating Dawdlitis. Take these four steps that will

build your self-confidence and courage

build your self-confidence and courage.

4 action steps

Step 1: Understand you’re not alone. Most, if not all singles, have been through some form of DD. It’s OK to feel anxious, scared, intimidated, weird, or awkward. In fact, it’s OK to feel whatever you’re feeling.

Step 2: Understand that falling flat on your face is part of the romantic process. You’re supposed to make mistakes. That’s how you learn. You learn to walk by falling down. You learn to date by writing idiotic emails, sticking your foot in your mouth, and making clumsy, silly, and just plain wrong moves. The right person will find those not-cool things endearing and adorable!

Step 3: Understand you need to

train yourself to take action

train yourself to take action. Almost any action!! Email five hotties who are “out of your league.” Open your mouth and say something, anything, to any cutie around. And I do mean anything at all. Anything is infinitely better than nothing. Once you practice jumping in, you’ll be surprised at the possibilities that open up for you.

Step 4: Understand it is normal to get “knocked out.” Putting yourself out there in the dating world is a form of interpersonal training similar to learning to box. You are supposed to get knocked out until you meet the right opponent. When you are training to be in a loving relationship, expect to get rebuffed or rejected. It happens. When it does, you are that much closer to meeting your match. So give yourself a reward for succeeding.

As you take these steps, you will be well on your way to being with that one person who absolutely enjoys all the different cool and not-so-cool facets of you. And your Dating Dawdlitis will be a thing of the past.

Single & SSAD During the Holidays

This being my first holiday season spent single in several years, a thought occurred to me as I listened to Christmas music sans significant other last weekend. The thought was: “This sucks.”

I really liked the idea of being single when I had it back in August. Going on first dates (even unmitigated bombs) amused me; there was no pressure to have a late summer or early fall evening filled entirely with love. Lust — or a good war story (“And then he humped my leg! No. Seriously.”) — would suffice. But the same leg humping that was so entertaining in September is just depressing in December.

Why? SSAD — Single Seasonal Affect Disorder, of course. In my haste to trumpet the joys of bachelorette-hood, I forgot all about it. You know, that ineffable casual-dating malaise that begins just in time for Thanksgiving and lasts through the New Year’s hangover.

You feel it when you buy a wreath — alone — or a tree — alone. You feel it when you go to holiday parties minus one.

You feel it when you buy a wreath — alone — or a tree — alone. You feel it when you go to holiday parties minus one. You feel it when you think of your New Year’s Eve plans. Or lack thereof.

‘Tis the season for hibernation

It’s not that it’s harder to find dates. It isn’t (hello, holiday parties?). But really, who wants to “grab sushi after” with some random guy when it’s (supposed to be) snowing and you’re (supposed to be) snuggled with your true love under a blanket and he’s (supposed to be) thinking of ways to take you ice skating or egg-nogging? (Or, er, diamond-ring-buying?) Sushi suddenly seems anticlimactic. Unseasonable, really.

And then there’s the Holiday Hibernation, a theory espoused by my friend Christine. “If you’re single on Thanksgiving, you’ll be single through Valentine’s Day,” she says. “

If you’ve got someone to curl up with at Thanksgiving, you’ll hold on to them through February.

If you’ve got someone to curl up with at Thanksgiving, you’ll hold on to them through February. Of course, then Spring Fever sets in and who knows?”

Great. So if you’re sans S.O. and SSAD now, get used to it.

In spite of that, many people insist there are upshots to avoiding serious relationships during the holidays. “That’s one less person you have to worry about getting a damn present for!” says Jennifer, 23, a paralegal. Good point.

The rules on holiday breakups

“One rule and one rule only, derived from bitter experience,” writes college professor Jeremy Mayer in an email message, “Do not, under any circumstances, short of physical abuse or voting Republican, break up with someone on December 31st. MUCH better to break up on January 3rd or even January 1st, as some sort of twisted New Year’s Resolution (‘Sorry, I resolved to stop dating psycho hose beasts’).”

If you haven’t yet entered into such a relationship (with psycho hose beasts or anyone else), Sean Smith, 39, has an idea: “There should be a New Relationship time requirement where it’s understood that ‘hey, we just met and I really like you so please don’t be offended but let’s have a holiday ‘time out’ and I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve’… How’s that?”

That, my dear Sean, would probably not go over well with the “Santa, baby” crooning ladies.

Those are the types of ladies another Sean, Sean Evans, 25, seems to date. “You always end up with someone who thinks the relationship has become more serious than you do,” he explains via email. “This leaves you in a lovely predicament as she will inevitably invite you home to her house for the holiday, or out to dinner with her parents when they come to town. Then you stand there, with your mouth slightly agape, quickly trying to come up with an excuse to bow out.”

What sorts of excuses work in this situation? “I’ve used such past beauties as ‘My mom needs help stuffing the turkey so I have to go home’ or ‘My dog has separation anxiety and cannot be alone for that long’ and my personal favorite: ‘What? And miss the 24 straight hours of ‘A Christmas Story’ on TNT? I think not, woman.’”

Holiday romance

Of course, some people think there’s nothing that makes the season brighter than a little casual holiday tryst — at least enough of one to make the SSAD go away, perhaps.

“The holidays are gruesomely bleak and the only thing that can pick them up is a deliciously regrettable holiday fling,” says writer Jim Behrle. “They expire in early 2008, no need for holiday gifts.”